Category ► Politics

Not One More

67804-everytown-640x360So, Americans keep on getting shot in bunches. Masses, if you will. Since Newtown, there have been 74 (and counting) school shootings. What in the holiest of fuck is going on? Really? Fucking really?

The thought of sending Oskar to school in this country is starting to get a little scary—because these shootings are starting to feel inevitable.

They’re not, you know? Inevitable. My favorite quote on the subject (from The Daily Show, of course):

“Of course, there’s nothing we can do to stop this from happening. Even though pretty much every other developed country has somehow stopped this from happening.”

I know, I know. The Daily Show is to the left what Hannity and O’Reilly are to the right—a bunch of propaganda. But, when they nail something on the head, they nail it good. Check out this page full of statistics. I’m not going to regurgitate them all—suffice to say, the one that really sticks out is gun homicides annually. Japan? Less than 50. Most European countries? Less than 150. Canada (incidentally, the country with the highest guns-to-humans ratio in the world)? Less than 200.

The good old United States of America? More than 10,000.

Lovely. And for what? I’m not exactly sure. The constitutional right to walk into a Chipotle® with a loaded assault rifle? What in the world is happening? None of this makes any sense, at all!

People like Joe the fucking Plumber can get themselves on television and say horrifying shit like, “Your dead kids don’t trump my constitutional rights to own guns.” You know what, Joe? They kind-of do.

Joe fuck-face and his gun-nut friends think common sense gun laws will take away their freedom. But, what about my kid’s freedom to go to school without having to learn to use one of these:10442345_849850358376278_4194678776885509885_nGreat idea, America. Forget trying to keep guns out of schools. Lets just give the kids these super-cute bulletproof blankets! Problem solved!

As usual, it’s all going to get worse before it gets better, I’m sure. These days, news of another mass shooting goes in one ear and out the other, for most of us. And all those thousands of one-off shootings, the ones where only one measly person gets popped—domestic disputes, robberies, turf wars, drug deals gone bad—well, those don’t even make the news, anymore.

America should be ashamed. And scared. I know I am.

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People Continue to Be Awful

bildeAnd yet, we continue to be surprised. I’m sure, by now, you’ve all been heard about Phil Robertson’s anti-gay and (seemingly) anti-civil rights remarks and his subsequent suspension from the A&E® cash cow Duck Dynasty. If you haven’t, log into Facebook®. I’m sure your conservative aunt is up in arms, posting heated rants about freedom of speech and what-not.

Hey, that’s fine. Freedom of speech is a real thing, after all. Phil can say whatever he wants. Besides, I’m sure 9 out of 10 gay people in America aren’t going to lose sleep over one more redneck (Phil’s term, not mine) condemning their way of life.

The truly awful part of this whole thing is all the absurd overreaction. Right-wingers are pissed at A&E® for suspending Phil. Super-pissed. Come on, people. A&E® is loving this. Hell, it might all be one, big, calculated PR maneuver. Turn Phil into a martyr! Perfect! You see how this plays out, right?

It’s simple: A&E® suspends Phil for gay-bashing. Conservatives go insane, screaming, “How dare you, A&E®! Phil is awesome!” Conservatives rush out en masse to buy Phil Robertson shirts and hats travel mugs to show that with Phil they stand. A&E® pockets the cash from those shirt, hat and mug sales, while talking heads on every 24-hour news network give Duck Dynasty a crap-heap of free publicity.

It’s not so far-fetched. Look no further than the fact that the rest of the Roberston clan is obviously just fine keeping the cameras rolling without lovable old Phil. The timing is perfect, too. This becomes another battle in the ongoing (and imaginary) war on Christmas/Christianity. “The battle of Paula Deen is over! Now, we fight for Phil! And for Jesus!”

And we’re all just along for the ride, religious and political blinders firmly attached to our big, stupid horse faces. “Hey! Hey! America! Pay no attention to homelessness or hunger or a broken public education system! Look! Look over here! Some hillbilly said gays are sinners!”

And here I am—blogging about it. We are all, truly, awful people. So, I leave you with an appropriate quote: “Who hasn’t asked himself, am I a monster, or is this what it means to be human?” (Clarice Lispector)

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Fuck You, Fuck You, Fuck You

coulter-620x367So, the reanimated corpse of Ann Coulter doesn’t care what the Boston bomber’s wife knew or didn’t know. She says, “She ought to be in prison for wearing a hijab.”

What. The. Fuck?

Wait, wait—coulter says she was only joking. Well, that makes everything all right. Thank goodness.

I hate getting political on this blog. (I hate getting political, period.) But, seriously? How do FOX® News fanatics digest this shit? “They’re out to get us! Muslims! Liberals! They want to steal our freedom! Hide your guns! Run for your lives!”

I’m not stupid. I know how right-wingers look at a young, Obama-voting, Daily Show-watching left-winger like myself. They wonder how I can digest this shit: “They’re out to get us! Christians! Conservatives! They want to steal our uteruses! Hide your gays! Run for your lives!”

Truth is, it’s all pretty hard to swallow.

But, I’ll take Jon Stewart over Ann fucking Coulter, any day of the week. I just can’t wrap my head around (most of) the right wing’s flat-out hatred of Muslims. They want to see Islam wiped off the face of the earth—or, at the very least, outlawed in the United States. (Nevermind freedom of religion.) How the fuck do you say a Muslim woman should be arrested for wearing a hijab? That’s no different than saying a Jewish man should be arrest for wearing a yarmulke. Or a Catholic nun for wearing a habit. What’s next? Separate bathrooms and drinking fountains for Muslims? No-Muslims-allowed deli counters and public swimming pools?

“Muslims want to destroy America!”

Really? Think about it, people. There are 1.6 billion Muslims in the world. That’s almost 25% of the world’s population. If they really wanted us dead, we’d be dead by now. Truth is in this tweet:tweetAmen, sister.

This is touchy subject, for me, personally, since a few people who are very close to me—and to my son—are die-hard FOX® fans. It is what it is. I keep politics away from Oskar, and I hope they do, too. If I ever, ever hear Oskar say Muslim like it’s a bad word—or worse, say something absolutely detestable, like rag-head or camel jockey—well, shit. I don’t know what I’ll do. I just know that a little more of my faith in humanity will have slipped away.

The only thing Oskar truly hates, as of this moment, is getting his face washed. If this world or anyone in it puts even one hateful thought about another human being in his head, I quit. Yes, the world definitely sucks, and he’s going to find that out, sooner or later. But, I’d rather it be later. And I want him to find it out on his own. In his own way.

“Can’t we all just get along?” is a stupid question. Because the answer is obviously and unfortunately, “No.” But, for my happy little toddler’s sake, I’m willing to pretend we’re still trying. Actually, if everyone pretended—who knows?

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Barack and Roll

4 more years of Barack Obama. I’m good with that. Breanne and I are not wildly political, but, as a young family, we did feel better with an Obama administration at the controls, as opposed to Mitt Romney and his merry band of corporate raiders. Breanne’s biggest thing is that she likes the way the Obama family makes us look to the rest of the world—like we’re not a bunch of gun-toting, Bible-thumping, fat-assed rednecks. I support Obama simply because my boss does. My boss is, of course, a very small business owner. And he’s been nothing but happy with the impact Obama’s policies have had on our bottom line, so far. Especially healthcare reform. Apparently, it’s lowered our healthcare costs significantly. Good stuff.

Also, as far as I’m concerned, if the all-American folks who are working 12 hour shifts building cars in factories all through the rust belt are on the president’s side, thanking him profusely for bailing out the auto industry—well, that’s a Hell of an endorsement.

Now, I don’t pretend to understand all the fiscal stuff. All I know is it’s never going to be perfect. Look at this fiscal cliff we’re about to careen off of. It has nothing to do with Obama and everything to do with Bush’s tax cuts. Financial decisions made 5, 6 years ago are still making waves. So, it would lead me to believe that we’re 5, 6 years away from Obama’s economic plan being fully realized. That alone warrants a second term, as far as I’m concerned. He wasn’t done, yet.

And, of course, there are the social issues. A president who’s cool with gay marriage is the only option, if you ask me. And the Supreme Court is only one justice away from overturning Roe vs. Wade. I’d prefer that didn’t happen. Leave women alone. They’re smart people. Really.

Basically, while I don’t think Mitt Romney was an evil, awful man, I just didn’t think gutting the federal government and selling it off, bit by bit, was the way to go. Plus, there are too many crazy motherfuckers out there who would have been empowered by a Romney victory—the religious right, to be specific. Those bat-shit nuts assholes who call Obama the anti-Christ and think the country should be governed under Biblical law. Keep those folks as far away from me and my child as possible, please.

I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again—the Bible has nothing to do with the United States of America.

Just watching the election results, Tuesday night, made me feel good about voting for Obama. Seeing the crowd at Obama headquarters compared to the crowd at Romney headquarters was very telling. Obama’s sea of supporters looked like the real America, as of 2012. Every age, every race, every religion—or, better yet—no religion.

Whereas, at Romney central, it looked like security turned away anyone who wasn’t old, white and Christian. I saw Meghan McCain—a young Republican—on television, the day after the election, and she said it best. To paraphrase, the Republican party has to shake that old, white, rich and religious stigma. Because that’s not this country, anymore. This country is gay, straight, white, black, poor, rich, women, men, everything.

That’s why I voted for Obama. He just seems open to everything. And he and his family are a better representation of everything America means to me. (Holy crap, that was a cheesy sentence.)

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This Can’t Be Happening, pt. 2

Shit, man. Do I need to change my party affiliation to Republican just so I can vote for Mitt Romney in the primaries?

Wait—let me back up, just a bit, here. Do I just need to vote, period? Whatever it takes to keep Rick fucking Santorum as far away from the presidency as possible.

Come on, conservatives. Joke’s over. It’s not funny, anymore.


Santorum is just so, so wrong. About everything. Listening to each and every one of his sound bites is like sitting in a bar and hearing the guy next to you say, Led Zeppelin was the greatest American band of all time.” And you’re just raging, inside, thinking, “How are you that fucking wrong?”

Santorum just recently vomited up some bull-shit quote about how President Obama’s policies are not based on Biblical theory.

That’s the fucking point! Separation of church and state!

I’ll say it again—fucking separation of fucking church and fucking state! How is Santorum missing this? It’s in the God-damn (and, yes, I mean God-damn) constitution! The president’s—and government’s—policies aren’t fucking supposed to have anything to do with Biblical theory! Fuck!

Look at how he’s vowing to wage war on birth control and other forms on contraception if he’s elected president. Where’s that shit coming from? His rampant, holier-than-thou Catholicism, that’s where.

Tell me—where does Santorum’s anti-contraception legislation leave the 234 million Americans who are not Catholic and, naturally, do not give a holy flying fuck what the Catholic church says about condoms?

Like I said—it’s not funny, anymore. This guy a religious zealot who thinks Jesus should take the wheel. And, of course, he’s a well-documented homophobe and bigot. For real. Look at the 10 most outrageous things he’s said. That’s just the tip of the iceberg; one of the first search results for Santorum quotes. Dig deeper, if you want. It just gets more and more horrifying.

You know, the Republicans go on and on about how they want to get the government out of people’s lives. They’re all for, “No welfare! No Medicare! No unemployment benefits! No EPA!

Now, maybe it’s just me, but, I really don’t care if the government tells me that I have to recycle from now on. Or I have to buy the weird, curly light bulbs. Most people don’t care. “New light bulbs? Fine. Whatever. Sounds great.”

But, if the government suddenly begins blocking citizens’ access to birth control (and, yes, I realize they’re really only talking about insurance-subsidized birth control), well, shit. What the fuck?

That’s right-wing logic for you: “It’s a woman’s God-given right to put whatever kind of bulb she wants in her light sockets, but, as far as her reproductive system is concerned? We’ll be making her decisions for her.”

I can’t even finish this post eloquently. It’s all too infuriating. Suffice to say, no presidential candidate in U.S. history has more urgently needed to go fuck himself than Rick Santorum.

One last thing: I’m afraid to find out who my dad is backing. Obviously, he’s a Republican. I just don’t think I want to know if he’s a Santorum man. I’ll just tell myself he’s voting Romney, and hope we get through election season without having a single political conversation. (Mom, help me out with that. Thanks.)

Don’t Cash That Check, John

I read John Steigerwald’s blog. I do. I’m sorry. Honestly, his sports stuff is dead-on. Unfortunately, he only talks sports in about 70% of his posts. The other 30% is asinine right-wing horse shit regurgitated from FOX® News. I skipped right over a post, a few weeks ago, about how electric cars are worse for the environment than gas-powered cars. PleaseHere it is.

So, color me surprised, today, when I heard old Johnny on the radio, voicing a commercial for a local Nissan® dealership. Guess what? He was urging us all to, “Come down and test drive the all-new, all-electric Nissan® Leaf!”

So, what gives, John? I thought electric cars were a left-wing conspiracy? I guess if someone’s paying you, you’ll just read the script, right? Hey, make a living however you want. Just saying, you get pretty high and mighty and righteous, sometimes—and this is just the kind of thing you’d tear a liberal apart for.

I’m not one to start comment fights, but, I went for it, this time. My comment is currently awaiting John’s moderation. We’ll see if he lets it through—and if he predictably calls me an ignorant, lazy, petty leftist. He’s cranky like that.

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This Can’t Be Happening, Can It?

Heard the news, this morning, that Rick Santorum came horrifyingly close to winning the Iowa caucuses. As a sane Pennsylvania resident, I remember this guy boiling my blood back when he was our senator. When he was ousted, a few years back, I was sure he’d said enough ridiculous, homophobic, hate-fueled things to guarantee his eternal unelectability. I figured we’d seen the last of him. When he announced he was running for president, I think everyone’s reaction was, “That’s so cute! What the Hell, let him waste a ton of  cash on a dead-end campaign. It’ll be hilarious! Just wait—I bet he’ll say something about God hating fags!”

But this second-place (by just 8 votes) finish in Iowa has me worried. Are Republicans really thinking of nominating this tool? Go back to the first sentence of this post and click his name. It links to a video of him defending his intention to reinstate Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell. When the interviewer points out that he’s using all the same arguments to support Don’t Ask that were used to support fucking racial segregation in the military, decades ago, Rick is kind enough to remind us all that (basically) black people are black because God made them that way, while gay people are gay because they have no morals and have chosen to sin and be gay.

And that sickening display of bat-shit insanity is in addition to all of your standard Republican campaign promises—you know, the ones that will bankrupt the government and send the country spiraling into debt, again.

Please, please, please, Republicans. I’m kind-of pretty sure your nominee is going to easily ride into The White House on a diesel-fueled stallion, thanks to Obama’s underwhelming tenure. But, can it just please not be Rick Santorum? Please?

No. It can’t be. This country can’t be that stupid. America’s thirst for mediocrity and comfort will, in the end, get a wax statue of Mitt Romney elected. Or maybe even the real Mitt Romney. Same difference.

All the debt, half the hate. I guess I’ll take it.

In Who We What?

I feel like the blog’s been getting a little bit angry and political, lately. I’ll try and make that stop. I promise. After this.

So, apparently, congress just passed a resolution to make In God We Trust the official national motto.

So, we’re still ignoring that separation of church and state thing, I see? Sounds good. So glad our lawmakers took the time to address this national motto issue. I mean, all those millions of unemployed, uninsured people? They really just need a catchy slogan to rally behind, right? This’ll do the trick!

Holy fuck, man. I’d love to meet the 9% of the population that thinks congress is doing a good job. Baffling. National motto, my raw ass. What a colossal waste of time and energy.

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Quote of the Day

“The United States’ budget is like a third-grader playing Oregon Trail. Spend all the money on ammunition so that you can shoot at stuff, and then wonder why your wagon is falling apart and everyone is dying of dysentery.”

Basically, Yes

Amazing article over at, 5 Reasons Humanity is Terrible at Democracy. Great read with some hilarious—and incredibly unfortunate—findings.